Marking Time

Secret sorrows

The way we mark time is an odd thing. When it comes to anniversaries, first we mark days and weeks, then months – it’s been three months, it’s been six months, then a year, two years, five years, on and on and on.

Not every anniversary is a happy one. Some we acknowledge with a public display of remembrance. Others are private and unmarked. Never to be spoken of. Yes, today is such a day.

We have feelings about these anniversaries. They make us feel isolated. They bring back very raw traumatic thoughts and feelings, unhealed emotional wounds are torn open once again and we have to try and heal all over again, and then we end up almost back to where we started from.

They say time heals all wounds, but anniversary reactions don’t go away, and with each bad anniversary we feel things we don’t want to and we lose a little progress.

Of late, it has felt like life has become a series of sad anniversaries. Marking time until the next one comes. I don’t want to remember these emotions. I don’t want to get in touch with these emotions. I want to put them in a box and bury them and never feel them again. Because then I may become comfortably numb.

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About dayanhadassah

✡MOT: I can worry about six things at once: Expert on 'what ifs' and worst-case scenarios: Aficionado of 'just in case': Kein Ayin Hara
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One Response to Marking Time

  1. Actually, on sad anniversaries, you are not “losing progress.” You are actually, through these “triggers,” plodding through some of the harder phases of grief work. It is normal to want to avoid the feelings, but if you can take tolerable small “doses” at a time, it will pay off. Numbing is fine in the short term, but in the long term, it amounts to being less alive. -Karen B. Kaplan, hospice chaplain

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